Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Trina's book of revelations

Well.... I keep saying my scale has to be off at least a little. I don't know if I'm trying to not be disappointed since the scale at my IP office always reads a lb. heavier but I realized that I go in after I eat breakfast, drink 2 cups of coffee and at least 24-32 oz of water so it's inevitable that I'll weigh heavier!

It's also a little confusing since I technically weigh in 2 days earlier than the ends of my week.  In the grand scheme of things, I guess it really doesn't matter because I'm losing weight!  It freaks me out how fast this process can be IF your body is ready for it. I know that eating right has 100% to do with losing weight. Yes, exercise matters too but you have to fuel your body correctly or it doesn't matter. If you don't eat enough calories, your exercise can send you into starvation mode and not burn fat. If you eat a lot of carbs, well then you're out of ketosis and your body will really only use all the carbs in your body. A certain amount of carbs is necessary for maintaining your blood sugar so your body can function but carb loading should only be done by people who are training their bodies for extreme exercise, marathons, football games, etc. Granted, we all need to enjoy life and our food so carb loading will happen.  I certainly was a carb loader and that's part of the reason why I have gained so much weight in 10 years. All the sugar going into my body had no where to go so it turned into fat.

How refreshing it is to be eating so little sugar and to not want it!  To think that my carb load is so diminished that my own body is choosing to use the fat that's been there for so long!  I still think back to my 12 year old self and remember looking at my little belly pooch (I was fairly developed by 12-13) and thinking how fat I was!  I really wasn't.... I was pretty thin back then! I've looked at other pics of myself at 19, at 25, at 32 and even at 40 and I wasn't fat. I was comparing myself to models, dancers, singers and movie stars though and compared to them I looked bigger. How crazy can the media be?  I was never bulimic but I certainly think I had body dysmorphic disorder and some anorexia. I think I went to the other extreme too and just used food to hide and self-medicate.

So, all this revelation at 50?  Better late than never, right? It is amazing to see how I used food and how I look at myself all these years later. I'm starting to become happy, really happy which hasn't been the case for about 10 years. My poor husband has had to deal with a wife who's been depressed (I lost my dad 10 years ago and tragically lost my mom 2 years ago), lost my supposed dream job, have been unemployed for some time, gained 40+ lbs and a lot of health issues from it. The only great thing that happened to me was getting married and adopting our precious 4-legged furry kids. Even that didn't carry me out of my depression though. It has taken my getting out of this carb driven fog to finally start feeling better!

Hallelujah! It feels really good to crawl out from under this rock of depression! 10 years worth of depression! Holy moly, this feels really good!  Now, to get my focus back so I can get my head in the game and find a job that I love and deserve!

Oh yeah....back to my scale. It says I've lost 15.1 lbs since signing up for IP on July 25th!  I didn't start the program until August 5 but I'm still down 15.1 lbs! WOOT!  I won't advertise the exact losses on my FB page because I already have people sabotaging me.  I know they don't mean it, but it still hurts. People will always question IP, Medi-fast and other low carb/no sugar diets because of the speed at which people lose weight.  It's fine if you do but if you're not a scientist or doctor that studies this subject just lay off all of us that are trying to do things our way, okay? Low carb/no sugar is the right thing for me to do so as long as we can afford to keep me on this plan, I'm doing it. My goal is about 50 lbs total but the number may change dependent on my body fat. I'm really going by that more than anything. I don't care what my final weight is as long as my body fat is in the healthy range!


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